Welcome to the Talking Smack column where I offer up a quick rundown of WWE’s Friday broadcast, Smackdown. This is officially Shawn Michaels week, or maybe two weeks, and the column I wrote on Thursday called Thank You Shawn Michaels was my way of paying tribute to the man that I feel is the greatest professional wrestler ever. I asked for your emails about him back on Tuesday and I’ve since received about 250 of them with the first batch getting posted last night with three other parts (maybe four) coming once a day until I get them all in. It is a bit time consuming, but I have to say reading your HBK memories has been really touching and it only makes me appreciate the impact he had on all of us wrestling fans even more.
One other thing before we get started. I read that former WCW/WWE superstar Chris Kanyon passed away from an apparent suicide at age 40. I always liked him in WCW because he was always one of those guys that was busting his ass trying to reach the top only for the top guys to keep him down. He was a slightly above average worker that also played in a part in helping younger wrestlers get better. He loved the business. I’m sure a lot of people also know him as an openly gay wrestler that garnered a lot of attention when he came out with that info. It takes a lot of courage to do something like that. I don’t want to speculate on why he took his life. That’s not our business. All I can say is I have a lot of positive memories and when I remember him asking “WHO BETTA THAN KANYON?” I will laugh because it was so ridiculous it made me smile. He was a guy that really loved being a professional wrestler. You could see it on his face. The wrestling business has lost another one way too soon. R.I.P. Chris Kanyon.
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My comments are going to be shorter than normal this week, but we’ll cover it all. Taped from Las Vegas, Nevada (the best city in the world!) let’s talk some smack…
We started out with the World Champ Chris Jericho (my official favorite wrestler in WWE since HBK is retired) talking about how he’s still the champ and the best in the world at what he does. Edge came out to talk about how he wanted a rematch, but Jericho said by losing at Mania it put him at the back of the line. The rematch would make sense because he lost the belt due to Jericho using the title as a weapon. Edge ended up beating up Jericho, hitting him with the Implant DDT and then the spear on the taped up ribs. Jericho did a great job of selling it while Edge backed up the ramp…only to get attacked by Jack Swagger! Swagger hit Edge in the back of the head with the Money in the Bank briefcase and then called out a ref to cash it in. Referee Mike Chioda came out, cleared the ring of the debris, rang the bell and the match was on.
Jack Swagger d. Chris Jericho to become the World Heavyweight Champion (NR)
Once the bell rang, Jack hit the Gutwrench Powerbomb for the win. My buddy Adam Dawes came up with a good name for it: The All American American Bomb or the Triple A Bomb for short. Does it work? I think so. This would have been a shock to me had I not been spoiled with “JACK SWAGGER NEW WORLD CHAMPION” as the subject line of an email I received on Wednesday morning. Not a fan of spoilers. Anyway, after winning Jack didn’t do the goofy grin or the stupid airplane spin. He merely stood there with the belt because I guess he’s serious now. Cool moment. I like when people cash in Money in the Bank although how great would this have been if it was Christian? I know it’s never going to happen. Vince would rather push a big guy like Swagger who was barely on Raw for the past six months instead of a guy that’s proven to be a great worker, talker and over with the crowd. I have nothing against Jack. I like him because I’m a fan of guys that are real athletes like him rather than some big guy that was training in a gym and told “hey you ever tried wrestling?” His legitimacy makes me like him more. It’s just that I wish they could do something like this for a more deserving guy like Captain Charisma.
R-Truth & John Morrison d. Cryme Tyme (SQUASH)
The match went about one minute. Morrison hit Starship Pain on Shad and it ended. Post match, Shad was frustrated, so he shoved JTG and when JTG tried to fight back he booted him in the head. Heel turn. Does this mean no more Word Up segments? That’s a win. I approve already. Shad gave him the STO to put him down for good. This turn was pretty random, but obviously they want to push Shad as a heel and with the draft lottery coming in a few weeks it makes sense that it happens now. Of course it’s also the end of one of the few legit tag teams on the roster. Not like they care about tag teams anymore. I’m not sure how Shad will do as a singles wrestler. They obviously see something in him. I doubt JTG will get much of a push as a smaller guy.
Backstage, Swagger walked with the belt on his shoulder and there was Slam Master J, Tony Atlas and Mickie James-Canton (clean bill of health by the way) there having a random conversation. I love that J’s shirtless during the random talk. When is his feud with Festus? Tony congratulated Jack on being champ, then Jack walked into Shelton Benjamin and told him that maybe he should be called the Gold Standard. You go girl. Has Shelton qualified for the July MITB yet? I think he has.
Backstage, Shad told Josh that Cryme Tyme was no more and that it was “My Time” now. Cue up the old HHH theme music from 1999 called My Time.
There was supposed to be a Hardy/McIntyre match, but Drew jumped him pre-match, threw him into the post and hit his Future Shock DDT to KO him before the match could even begin. I guess we’ll see the match next week or down the road.
We got clips of John Cena on some Nickelodeon show called “True Jackson VP.” This is what Batista was jealous of, right? He wants to be on kids shows? What a shame.
Video HBK’s farewell. Very good as usual and even though he’s my favorite of all time I liked the Flair “Leave the Memories Alone” video better than this. Still fantastic, though.
Backstage, Vickie the Cougar was with Laycool talking about the Cougar Splash. Swagger came in, asked for time to address the crowd and she said he could have as much time as he wants. He kissed Vickie on the cheek while they all giggled because in WWE the women act like they are 16. Yes, Jack Swagger makes women swoon. Got to get me a lisp.
Dolph Ziggler d. The Great Khali (1/2*)
Dolph actually won with the “dreaded” sleeper in three minutes. Surprising to me, but makes sense considering that post match Khali announced he’s going back to India to reflect on things. Also said he’d be World Champion again. Please no. I stopped watching that period when he was champ. It was brutal. So now Khali’s gone. With him and HBK gone the two best workers in the company have left us. For shame. The John Canton thinks he won’t miss The Great Khali too much. I will miss seeing the Ranjin Singh dance, though. Khali, you had me at khlav khalash (Simpsons reference, people!).
CM Punk came out with Luke & Serena. Luke and Serena each got to talk about how Punk saved him and how great of a man he was. They both spoke well. Punk cut his typical promo ripping the fans and in particular Vegas for being a notorious party town. He asked Rey for one more match. If he loses to Rey he’ll shave his head. Expect it for Extreme Rules. This was a typically great promo from Punk that drew a lot of heat for him. This guy can do no wrong right now.
Beth Phoenix & Tiffany d. Michelle McCool & Layla (*)
A smartly booked match that saw Tiffany get up for a couple minutes, hot tag Beth and then Phoenix was able to finish it with the Glam Slam on Layla because Layla never wins. Tiffany’s better in the ring than most of the girls on Raw. You can tell even from a two minute beating. Maybe it was edited, but her selling is better than some of the other less experienced ladies.
Backstage, Jericho asked Long for his rematch. He said tonight, but Jericho said he was hurt. Jericho said Swagger wouldn’t get away with what he did.
Backstage, the Hart Dynasty talked about their WrestleMania moment and how they were looking to make an impact. Somebody in TNA probably heard that thinking that was a potshot at them. Swagger walked in, held the belt up in their face and then left.
Kane d. The 8 NXT Guys via DQ (*1/2)
It was elimination style. He managed to get rid of a couple of them, but then the final five all teamed up on him at the same time to force the DQ. They all took turns hitting finishers with Justin Gabriel’s 450 splash getting the biggest pop. That’s a very impressive move. After it was over, Kane slowly tried to get back up and the rookies ran away like little babies. At least Kane sold the beating. Good for him.
Jack Swagger’s Championship Address
He came out with a folder where he read a statement saying this moment was the apex of our lives and that he’s replaced HBK as the greatest living wrestler on the planet. This is where fans start booing. It made me chuckle. Jericho came out wanting the belt back, but Jack wasn’t doing that. Edge came out. Jack bailed to the floor as Edge & Jericho argued with each guy saying they deserved the shot. Teddy Long came out to say if they can’t settle it on their own then they will have a Jericho/Edge match next week with the winner getting a title shot at Swagger. Isn’t that screwing Jericho since he’s the former champion and should get the automatic rematch?
When Long left, Jericho hit the Codebreaker on Edge. Swagger slid into the ring, Gutwrench Powerbomb (no, Triple A Bomb) on Jericho and then one on Edge. The show ended with the new World Champion posing with the belt. I’m smelling a triple threat at Extreme Rules. How about you?
Three Stars of the Show
1. Jack Swagger – He did well.
2. CM Punk – Epic promo.
3. Chris Jericho – His whining was great.
6 out of 10
Last week: 5.5
It was a noteworthy show, but it wasn’t the greatness that we usually get from Smackdown. The matches were nothing special although for whatever reason I liked the Kane vs. NXT guys idea.
Obviously the big news is Swagger winning the belt. I assume he’ll work against Jericho & Edge in a triple threat for the title at Extreme Rules although I’m not 100% sure on that. As I said, I’m fine with Swagger winning because I think it’s important for WWE to have new main eventers. The problem is they booked the guy like a complete joke for the past six months and it’s going to be hard to convince fans that he’s this great champion. With that said, they have apparently had him ditch the silly push ups, the goofy grin and the airplane spin thing to try to make him more serious. It reminds me of Kurt Angle’s first run in 2000. Hell, even his tights are the same.
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This is Commentfest for Smackdown (Smackfest perhaps?) for my
href=http://www.facebook.com/thejohnreportnet>Facebook friends. Their thoughts will be in blue while mine will be in brackets following them when needed.
Just when I thought Smackdown couldn’t get any better, then give Swagger the belt. I am in Smackdown heaven. This is just another piece of ammo in my cannon, which I will fire at the Raw Commentfests and their horrible Michael Cole addictions. I mean, just 15 minutes of Michael Cole puts over 9000 harmful chemicals into your body. Just 1 Vintage will take 12 minutes off your life and 1 Out of Nowhere causes angels to cry. Smackdown baby, Smackdown.
Once again, Jericho takes the words out of my mouth. He so did not deserve such heinous treatment.
Dear Chris Jericho: You are the man. I have never so enjoyed being called a gelatinius tapeworm in my whole life. Loved you on the NXT commentary also. Please keep up the good work.
Fozzie Bear
Director of Human Resources,
The Canton Nation
Biff Jobber?! World Heavyweight Champion?! Really?! (Thanks for posting guy who didn’t read the spoilers) (Could have been me!)
Jack swagger didn’t even do his vintige grin he didn’t even seen hyped.
The jokes about the lisps will never get boring will it. Sthwagger! I want swagger to try r-truths enterance!
Crime Time have split and nobody really gives a poop. Sums it all up really. (Way to no sell the “Y”s in Cryme Tyme. Gangsta!)
Shad turning on JTG…. black on black violence really needs to stop.
It was only a matter of time before they turned Shad heel. I knew it was coming since he cut his hair. WWE Rule: New Hairstyle = Heel Turn.
Grisham says “four years together as a tag team!” like it’s a lifetime. Funny thing – in today’s WWE, it is.
Mickie James-Canton hangs with Tony Atlas?
Great. Matt Hardy is probably getting an IC Title shot. That’s like finally giving some money to the crazy on the street who thinks the world is coming to an end.
Remember back in the mid 90’s when Matt Hardy was a jobber? If not, this is pretty much the same.
For the third time this week, I am crying like a little girl. Thank you again Shawn. (Who?)
The Great Khali thinks those sideburns are a bit much.
Anyone else glad that Ziggler actually won with the sleeper? They try every week to put Ziggler’s sleeper over but he never won with it. Sure, Kane got counted out. But Khali was the first to really lose to his Sleeper Hold.
First no more Cryme Tyme, now no more Khali! This night keeps getting better and better! (Everything keeps coming up Milhouse!)
Serena getting some mic time, she’s not bad at all.
I, I believe you, Serena.
Serena makes my Edge Straight…..if you know what I mean…
God Bless CM Punk. He’s come to Sodom and Gommorrah.
C.M. Punk is to Smackdown what Wayne Gretzky is to Hockey. (Retired?)
I really wish they would expand the SES…there are a ton of guys on the roster with nothing to do, and stables are a great way to get them involved…you have Punk as the top guy, Gallows mid-card, and a couple other guys as a tag-team…or maybe that makes too much sense for the WWE. (I agree.)
I’ve taken a shot for every mention of “straight edge”, “savior”, “alcohol” and such. I deserve a Star of the Night just for still being able to type this shit.
I’ve done worse than Vickie Guererro. A few drinks, and I’d hit it. Don’t print that. (Okay.)
Beth Phoenix is the SHIT. She’s like Chyna, but as a woman.
Is it just me or does Tiffany have more wrestling skill than half the other divas?
Seeing Tiffany makes me almost forget Kool-Aid wearing a speedo….. ahh crap. (He pained me with that reminder, so now I pain you with it. That’s my deal.)
Natalya’s cleavage…..
Natalya makes me jubilant in my pants.
Darren Young just made the same face Lee Harvey Oswald did when Jack Ruby shot him. Too soon?
That raggedy gang attack on Kane was Fucking FUNNY. Like a kindergarten class jumping the teacher, kicking his ass, tying him up and eating all the cookies and juice. I miss kindergarten.
Is his speech supposed to sound robotic and crappy?
The only thing that could make me un-hate Biff is if he did the “hello McFly” thing to Y2J. That would turn me.
“Give it back to me! Right now!” If we were in jail, I’d want Jericho as my husband. Please don’t print this. (Um, sorry.)
Nothing against Swagger…..but wouldn’t Christian be better in this role. Sorry for thinking logically. (Logic doesn’t matter to Vince. Height does.)
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Keep checking out thejohnreport.net all weekend for more of your HBK related emails. The support has been overwhelming and it’s been a joy to read.
Thanks for reading. Have a great weekend.
John Canton – john@thejohnreport.net
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