WWE Raw 02/27
We are live in: Portland, Oregon
Commentators: Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler
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Raw starts with a recap of John Cena’s promo to Rock at last week’s Raw. Tonight, Rock responds.
The Raw intro plays.
Cut to the arena. Justin Roberts announces a “Champion vs. Champion” match to start the show.
WWE Champion CM Punk comes out first. He heads down to the ring.
A recap is shown of last week on Smackdown when CM Punk and Daniel Bryan last faced each other. Raw Interim General Manager John Laurinaitis and Smackdown General Manager Teddy Long each come out and restart the match, but the match ends without a clear winner.
Instead of Daniel Bryan, Chris Jericho comes out. He heads into the ring with a microphone.
Jericho says he knows that he’s got a big match, champion versus champion, but what he has to say is a little bit more important. He prefaces by saying that he thinks Punk’s an amazing performer. In fact he’s one of his favorites, but he’s not as good as he is. He’s not the best in the world at everything he does, and Punk knows it. He never had to call himself the best. Other people said it for him. He never had to write it on the back of a T-Shirt. They would write it on signs and bring them to the arena. The reason for that is that he’s part of a special breed of performers. He is one of a literal dying breed of performers that toured the world honing their craft, learning their skills, and becoming stars before they ever even got to the WWE. A breed that cared more about having the best match on the show than personal politics. They didn’t care what the hierarchy thought of them, what position they were slotted in, what they were supposed to be. A breed of performers that were given nothing and took everything. Yeah, he developed a chip on his shoulder because of it, and yeah he got a bad attitude and a bad reputation in the back with the “powers that be” because of it, but he didn’t give a damn. He knew he was good, and he knew he was the best.
Now Punk is just like him. He’s a maverick. A rebel that went against the grain and became something more than anybody thought that he would be. In translation, it’s just because he wants to be him. He’s a Chris Jericho wannabe just like the fans are Chris Jericho wannabes, and it’s so obviously blatant by the fact that he plagiarizes him every step of the way.
CM Punk tells him to stop.
Jericho says don’t tell him to stop, boy. He’s talking to him.
Punk says he knows how good Chris is. The fans know how good he is. His problem with him is that he comes out and insinuates that he stole anything from him. He never plagiarized anything in his life. Everything he has, he fought for and earned. He thinks he invented saying he was the best? There was a guy he watched when he was a kid, Chris probably watched him as a kid too, his name was Bret “Hitman” Hart. The best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be. Did Chris invent that? Did he give that to Bret when he was two years old? He’s Canadian too, did he invent him being Canadian? Did he invent Canada?
Jericho says laugh along. Laugh it up with Punk. Very nice. It’s oh so typical of him. So smarmy, sarcastic. Never taking anything seriously. Well he better take him seriously. This is a whole different level from anything that he’s had before. It’s not a gimmick, he IS the best in the world at everything he does, and he proves it every night as he has for the past twenty two years, staying on the highest level of any performer in this business. They can boo if they want, but it’s the truth. He has faced every legend, every hall of famer, every future hall of famer in the ring and beaten them all. He has won dozens of championships, has had dozens of classic matches, classic WrestleMania “steal the show” matches, dozens of moments that will be legendary long after either one of them are gone. They can chant Punk’s name all they want, but he’s not just telling them, he’s proving to them with all the evidence that standing right in front of them is the literal, undeserved, undoubtedly, best in the world at everything he does.
Punk says he keeps saying that, and his words scream superiority, but he watches him walk out here and the inflection in his voice, and certainly his body language, screams inferiority. What’s he trying to prove? Is he trying to prove to Punk that he’s the best? Is he trying to prove to these people that he’s the best? Or is he trying to prove to himself that he’s the best? Punk says he’s the best, and yeah that’s a little bit cocky, but confidence is nothing that he’s ever lacked, and it’s nothing he thought Jericho lacked, but now that confidence seems to be replaced with jealousy. Chris looks at him and he sees a guy who emerged from the same shadows that he did. He came from the same places he did. He overcame the same obstacles he did. But now he’s surpassed everything that he did because sure he beat legends, he beat Stone Cold and The Rock on the same night ten years ago to become the WWE Champion. But he was never really the man much like he’s the man now, was he? And that just bothers him a little bit, doesn’t it? He has a bit of a Napoleon complex because of it, so he comes back and tries to point fingers and place the blame, but the blame’s only on him. Chris says he’s the best in the world at what he does, and he says he’s the best wrestler in the world. The distinction to him is very simple. This is nothing he chose he was born this way. This is what he does. Meanwhile, Chris chooses to leave and write books and host radio shows and be on game shows, and be a rock star. Meanwhile, Punk’s here swimming with the sharks while he’s dancing with the stars.
Chris says while he was dancing with the stars and killing it on The Tonight Show, and becoming a bigger star than he ever was, all he thought of was one thing: Punk ripping him off. Every single night, Punk ripping him off. Let him be clear and honest. All those January 2nd vignettes, and the best in the world verbiage, and even his light up flashy fancy jacket, it’s all fancy window dressing because he came back for one reason only: to embarrass Punk on the biggest stage in the world. To take back what is his, to beat him for that title at WrestleMania, and shove down his throat that he is the best in the world at what he does. He proves it, he claims it, he IS it every single night.
Punk says that’s all he had to say. When he came back, he didn’t have to jump him to get his attention. All he had to do to grab him and say “Hey, Punk! Me and you. Best in the world versus best in the world at WrestleMania.” This is the time of year that everybody point at the WrestleMania sign, but he’s going to point at his WWE Championship. He doesn’t need Chris Brown, and Chris doesn’t need Mickey Rourke. They don’t need all the pyro in the world, or inflatable letters to tell everybody how awesome they are, and they don’t need a fancy entrance, and screw his fancy “Lite-Brite” jacket. The only thing they need are each other, and a ring. On April 1st they’re going to find out who the best in the world is. To him, those are all the ingredients they need for the recipe to what could quite possibly be the greatest wrestling match in WrestleMania history. He has something Chris covets, and he says come and get it. At the end of the night, when he’s looking over his shoulder on the ramp and he sees this…
Punk drops the microphone and holds up the WWE Championship, acting as if he just won a match. He picks the microphone back up.
It’s not going to be the end of THE world. It’s just going to be the end of his.
Punk holds the title over Jericho’s head.
World Heavyweight Champion Daniel Bryan comes out along with his girlfriend AJ, John Laurinaitis, and David Otunga. Chris Jericho exits the ring and heads to the back.
Match #1
[CM Punk vs. Daniel Bryan]
[Champion vs. Champion]
Before the bell sounds, Bryan attacks Punk from behind with a forearm. Punk gets knocked into a turnbuckle and Bryan kicks at him. He then throws European uppercuts at him. Punk counters and throws forearms of his own before tossing Bryan out of the ring. Bryan tries to get back in, but Punk knocks him back out.
-Commercial Break-
Back from break, and Punk is kicking at Bryan against the ropes. Bryan kicks back sending him into the turnbuckle. Punk counters and chops Bryan a few times before whipping him into the opposite turnbuckle. Bryan back flips off the turnbuckle and run towards Punk, but the WWE Champ lands an elbow to the face. Bryan staggers, Punk springboards off the turnbuckle and hits a cross body block for a two count.
We cut to the commentary table and see that Teddy Long and his assistant Santino Marella are at ringside as well. Both sides argue with one another over who the better General Manager is.
Back in the ring, Punk drops a knee on Bryan’s arm. Bryan gets back up, and the two back into a turnbuckle. A clean break attempt is interrupted by Bryan driving a shoulder into Punk’s stomach. Bryan with another European uppercut that knocks Punk down. Bryan drops a knee on Punk’s face, grabs the arm and twists it. He then sits Punk up and kicks him in the back. Now Punk fights back with kicks of his own. He then snapmares Bryan down and starts driving his knee into his back. He covers for a two count. Punk punches and chops Bryan against the ropes. He whips Bryan, but Bryan counters sending Punk into the ropes. Punk grabs the ropes and Bryan misses a spin kick. The World Champ runs over to Punk, and Punk catches him in a back body drop that sends him out of the ring. Punk goes for a suicide dive, but Bryan has AJ come over to him so she can be used as a shield. Punk exits the ring and Bryan chops him in the leg on the way down. Bryan grabs Punk and tosses him shoulder first into the ring steps.
-Commercial Break-
We’re back, and Bryan has Punk in an abdominal stretch submission. We get to see that during the commercial break, Bryan hit Punk with a superplex, and then the two went for the same double pin move that they did on Smackdown, only this time they both kick out. Back to the live fight, and Punk fights out of the stretch. He leans against a turnbuckle, and Bryan charges at him for a running dropkick, but Punk moves out of the way and Bryan hits the turnbuckle feet first. Punk kicks at Bryan, then whips him into the ropes for a dropkick. He hits Bryan with a clothesline followed by a swinging neckbreaker. Bryan at the turnbuckle, Punk runs towards him and hits a running knee to the face. He goes for a running bulldog, but Bryan shoves him off. Bryan goes for a spin kick, but Punk ducks and scoop slams him. Punk climbs to the top of the turnbuckle and scores with the elbow drop. Punk signals for the GTS, but David Otunga climbs on the apron to distract him. Punk punches him off the apron. Bryan then grabs Punk from behind and goes for the Lebell Lock submission. Punk flips out of it. Bryan goes for a clothesline but misses. Punk goes for a clothesline, but he misses two. The two run the ropes, meet in the center and both men hit a cross body at the same time. Otunga gets back up on the apron. Santino climbs up to stop him, but Otunga shoves him back. Santino sets up the Cobra and strikes Otunga with it. Laurinaitis then grabs Santino and pulls him off the apron. Teddy goes over to Laurinaitis and yells at him for grabbing Santino. Both sides are now yelling at each other. Bryan tries to escape by heading up the ramp with his title, but Sheamus comes running out, grabs Bryan and tosses him back into the ring. Punk grabs hold of Bryan, lifts him up and connects with the GTS. He covers, but Laurinaitis suddenly enters the ring and calls off the match. The bell sounds.
[Match Stopped Due to Interference]
Punk argues with Laurinaitis. Teddy Long suddenly enters the ring and shoves Laurinaitis to the ground. Otunga and Santino enter. Long and Laurinaitis look ready to fight in the ring. Punk exits the ring and heads back up the ramp. He holds up the WWE Championship. Suddenly, Jericho comes back up and attacks Punk from behind. He slams his head against the ramp a few times, then scoop slams him down. He then grabs Punk’s legs and applies the Walls of Jericho (Lion Tamer version FTW) while referees come out telling Jericho to break it. He eventually does, and Punk is left on his back while Jericho holds up the WWE Championship.
Later tonight, The Rock will come out and respond to Cena’s comments from last week.
-Commercial Break-
Back, and we get a recap from moments ago when Jericho attacked Punk from behind.
Cut to the backstage area with Josh Matthews. Josh informs us that CM Punk was helped into the Trainer’s Room. There’s no question that Punk’s hurting, but judging from his attitude he’s more angry than hurt.
Back at the commentary table, Cole and Jerry discuss the Triple H versus Undertaker Hell in a Cell match and present a video about it.
The video highlights last year’s match between Triple H and Undertaker. Big Show, Austin, Miz, Punk, Edge, Orton, Pat Patterson, John Cena, and The Rock all give their thoughts on the match.
WWE.Com has an exclusive “explosive” interview with Shawn Michaels.
Later tonight, John Cena takes on The Miz.
-Commercial Break-
Back from break, and we’re heading straight into a Diva’s match between Nicki Bella and Kelly Kelly.
[Match #2]
[Kelly Kelly vs. Nicki Bella]
[Singles Match]
The bell sounds, and Kelly attacks Nicki with a Lou Thez press. Kelly and Nicki roll around in the ring. They get back up and Nicki knocks Kelly down with a knee to the gut. Nicki runs the ropes and hits Kelly with a bulldog for a two count. Nicki with a rolling neck snap to Kelly for a two count. Nicki kicks Kelly against the turnbuckle and the referee holds her back. Nicki runs towards Kelly, but Kelly hits a drop toe hold that drops Nicki on the turnbuckle pad. Kelly runs towards Nicki and hits a spinning head scissors takedown. Kelly then knocks Nicki down with a face plant. Brie tries to grab Nicki so she can replace her for “Twin Magic”, but Kelly baseball slides Brie off the apron before she can do so. Nicki grabs Kelly from behind and rolls her up for a pin, but Kelly rolls out of it and hooks Nicki with a bridging pin for a three count.
[Winner via Pinfall: Kelly Kelly]
Still to come, Sheamus and Big Show take on Mark Henry and Cody Rhodes.
Cena versus Miz is up next.
-Commercial Break-
We’re back, and John Cena comes out first. He heads down to the ring for his match.
Miz comes out next. He heads down to the ring as Cena’s opponent, but has a microphone in hand. He stops at the top of the ramp.
Miz says before he gets to Cena, he has to get something off his chest. He worked too hard to be treated like this. In the past year, nobody has worked harder than him, not even Cena. Who do they think the WWE calls upon to represent this company in all forms of media whether it’s interviews, TV, and phoners? Who do they think has to fly sixteen hours to Russia to do a P.R. tour? He does! But yet his name has yet to be called upon for WrestleMania. These people would LOVE it if he wasn’t at WrestleMania.
The fans cheer.
Oh, they would? Really? Really? It’s a crime. But he’s going to rectify this crime. He’s going to prove to everybody that he is WrestleMania worthy. He IS WrestleMania. And he’s going to do it by beating the same he beat in the main event of last year’s WrestleMania. Because he’s The Miz, and he’s…awesome.
Miz enters the ring.
[Match #3]
[John Cena vs. The Miz]
[Singles Match]
The bell sounds. Cena and Miz tie up. Cena gets Miz in a side headlock. Miz slips out of it and applies a headlock of his own. Cena shoves Miz into the ropes, drops down, leapfrogs and connects with an arm drag. Cena punches Miz into a turnbuckle. He whips Miz into the opposite turnbuckle, then hits a fisherman suplex. Cena with a knee to the face. Cena whips Miz into the ropes and drives an elbow into his face. Cena waits for Miz to gets up and grabs him for Attitude Adjustment, but Miz slips out and drives a knee to the back of Cena’s head followed by a neckbreaker for a two count. Miz kicks Cena while he’s down, then strikes him with knees to the face for another two count. Miz whips Cena, but Cena counters and back body drops Miz. He whips Miz into a turnbuckle and body splashes him followed by a powerful clothesline. He grabs Miz and goes for a suplex, but Miz counters and hits a DDT for a two count. Miz waits for Cena to get up against the turnbuckle and catches him with a running clothesline into the corner. Miz climbs to the top of the turnbuckle and waits for Cena to get up. He leaps for a double axe handle, but Cena ducks it, hits two shoulder tackles, and then lands a spin out powerbomb. Cena runs off the ropes and hits a Five Knuckle Shuffle. He grabs Miz and drops him with Attitude Adjustment. He then grabs Miz and applies the STF submission. Miz is forced to tap out.
[Winner via Submission: John Cena]
Afterwards, the TitanTron shows The Rock backstage watching a television monitor and getting amped up. He looks over at the screen and makes Cena’s “you can’t see me” hand gesture before fading to black.
Cena grins and exits the ring knowing what’s yet to come for him.
-Commercial Break-
Back from break, and up next is a tag team triple threat match for the WWE Tag Team championship.
R-Truth comes out first. He heads to the ring along with “Little Jimmy”.
Kofi Kingston comes out. He heads to the ring as Truth’s partner.
Vickie Guerrero: “EXCUSE ME!”
Vickie comes out. She says it’s her pleasure to introduce the next WWE tag team champions, Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler.
United States champion Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler come out and head to the ring together.
Tag Team Champions Primo & Epico come out and head to the ring along with Rosa Mendes.
[Match #4]
[Primo & Epico vs. R-Truth & Kofi Kingston vs. Jack Swagger & Dolph Ziggler]
[Triple Threat Tag Team Match: WWE Tag Team Championship]
The bell sounds. Kingston, Ziggler, and Primo start things off. Ziggler exits the ring right awhile while Primo gets Kingston in a headlock. Kingston shoves Primo into the ropes and Primo knocks him down with a shoulder block. Primo runs the ropes, Kingston ducks, leapfrogs twice, and catches Primo with a side kick to the face. Ziggler slides back into the ring for a sneak attack, but Kingston catches him with a flapjack slam. Kingston runs over to a turnbuckle prone Primo and monkey flips him down. Kingston then runs to Ziggler and gives him a monkey flip too. Kingston tags in Truth. Truth covers Ziggler, but Primo stops the count. Primo whips Truth, but Truth counters and drops to his stomach. Primo jumps over Truth and bumps into Ziggler. Truth catches Primo with a dropkick. Ziggler’s up and he goes for a clothesline, but Truth ducks with a split and side kicks Ziggler off his feet. Ziggler exits the ring and Truth punches Epico off the apron. Swagger steps into the ring and shoulder tackles Truth out of the ring. Kingston runs towards Swagger, but Swagger catches him and goes for a spinebuster, but Kofi’s momentum sends them both over the top rope and out of the ring. Everyone is out on the floor.
-Commercial Break-
Back, and Truth catches Primo with a sunset flip pin, but Swagger breaks the count. Swagger grabs Truth and tosses him into his corner. He lands a few punches. While the referee backs him off Ziggler grabs Truth and wraps the tag rope around his head. Primo pulls Truth further into the ring and covers, but Swagger breaks up the two. The two shove each other, but Primo goes back to work on Truth while Swagger tags in Ziggler. Ziggler waits for Truth to get up and knocks him back down with a dropkick. Primo covers and Ziggler breaks the count. Now Primo and Ziggler are arguing. Truth fights back and punches back both Primo and Ziggler. Truth with a clothesline to Ziggler, but Primo catches him with a kick followed by a spinning neckbreaker attempt, but Truth spins out of it and grabs Primo in a front headlock. He also catches Ziggler, drapes an arm over his shoulder, and drops both he and Primo with a flatliner/DDT respectively. All three are down. Eventually they move. Ziggler tags Swagger and Primo tags Epico. Swagger and Epico go over to Truth and grab his legs. Swagger and Epico fight over him and trade punches. Truth meanwhile tags in Kingston. Kingston springboards off the ropes and knocks both Epico and Swagger down with double overhead chops off the top. Kingston with a running chop to Swagger, then a running chop to Epico. A dropkick to Swagger, then a dropkick to Epico. Kingston goes to whip Swagger, but Swagger counters and sends Kingston into the ropes. Swagger runs at him, but Kofi catches him with a pendulum overhead kick. Kingston climbs to the top of the turnbuckle and hits a cross body, but Epico breaks the count. Kofi scoop slams Epico onto Swagger’s back. Kingston then runs the ropes and hits a Boom Drop on bot Epico and Swagger.
Kingston signals for Trouble in Paradise, but Ziggler grabs him from behind and hits the Zig Zag. Before he can celebrate Truth runs at Ziggler and clotheslines him over the top sending them both to the floor. Swagger covers Kingston for a two count. Epico goes for a back stabber to Swagger, but Swagger drops down and counters it into an anklelock submission. Before Epico can tap out, Kingston hits swagger from behind with Trouble in Paradise. Primo then grabs Swagger and hits the back stabber. Primo shoves Kingston out of the ring and Epico covers Swagger for the three count.
[Winners via Pinfall and still WWE Tag Team Champions: Primo & Epico]
Before they can be announced as the winners, the lights go out and fire shoots off the ramp. Kane comes out. He heads down to the ring and boots Primo int he face. He then grabs Ziggler and Epico and hits them both with chokeslams. Truth tries to fight Kane with some punches, but Kane chokeslams him as well.
Kane stands over Ziggler, Truth, and Epico before summoning fire from the turnbuckles. He then exits the ring and leaves as quickly as he arrived.
Cut to backstage with Laurinaitis and Otunga. They’re talking about the movie The Artist winning at the Academy Awards. Teddy Long walks in, and Laurinaitis yells at him to get out of his office.
Teddy says he doesn’t want to be in his office, but he wants to hear this. There’s a rumor that Laurinaitis won’t be running Raw next week.
Laurinaitis says he heard a rumor too…that Teddy will be fired as GM of Smackdown.
Teddy says this is no rumor: he’s a horse’s ass!
Teddy leaves.
Coming up, Sheamus and Big Show take on Mark Henry and Cody Rhodes.
-Commercial Break-
Back from break, and we get a recap of last week when Eve was shown betraying Zack Ryder and using both him and John Cena for her own personal goals. Cena tells her off and Even is left broken in the ring.
Back at ringside, Eve comes out and heads down to the ring to address the WWE Universe. She grabs a microphone.
Eve says that if they want to judge her, go right ahead. She’s a woman living in a man’s world. She tells men what they want to hear, and they love it. She may use them, but there’s not a man in this world who wouldn’t want to be used by a woman like her. It’s not her fault that men fall in love with her, or they can’t resist her beauty or charm, or that they’re so easily seduced by her. They think she asked for this? Men crumble at her feet like little puppies begging for her affection. Really, they shouldn’t blame her for her natural strengths. Men should blame themselves for their natural weaknesses.
Eve blows a kiss to the fans and exits the ring, her message sent.
We follow Eve backstage. Kelly Kelly appears and walks up to Eve.
Kelly asks what’s gotten into her. They used to be best friends and hung out all the time, now she’s totally ignoring her. It’s like she’s a totally different person.
Eve laughs and walks off. Alicia Fox stands next to Kelly and the two watch her walk away.
Cut to another section of backstage. Big Show and Sheamus are seen bumping fist and heading to the ring for their match.
A world premiere trailer is shown of Edge’s new movie “Bending The Rules”, a WWE Studios film.
-Commercial Break-
We’re back, and Jerry and Cole discuss the rumors about Laurinaitis and Long not running Raw or Smackdown.
At ringside, Big Show comes out and heads to the ring for his match.
We get a recap of last week on Raw when Cody Rhodes helped Jericho eliminate Big Show during the battle royal for number one contendership.
Sheamus comes out. He heads to the ring as his partner.
Mark Henry comes out and heads to the ring as their opponent.
Intercontinental Champion Cody Rhodes come out and heads to the ring as his partner.
[Match #5]
[Big Show & Sheamus vs. Mark Henry & Cody Rhodes]
Before the match starts, Cody is given a microphone.
He has a quick announcement. On May 5th, Miguel Cotto faces someone that Show’s familiar with: Floyd Mayweather Jr. Floyd weights 150 pounds, making what he did to Show at WrestleMania 24 all the more embarrassing.
Rhodes shows clips of No Way Out and WrestleMania 24 back in 2008 when Floyd make Big Show’s nose bloody and knocked him out to win their match.
Afterwards, Show starts off of his team and yells at Rhodes to get in. Rhodes does, and as soon as the bell sounds tags in Mark Henry. Henry tries to get into the ring, but Show clubs and kicks him down. He waits for Henry to get up, runs the ropes and spears Henry down. Show runs after Cody, and Rhodes runs back in and back out of the ring. Show yells at Cody to get back in the ring. Sheamus makes a blind tag, waits for Henry to get up. Henry goes for a clothesline, but Sheamus ducks, runs the ropes and hits
Henry with the Brogue Kick for the three count.
[Winners via Pinfall: Big Show & Sheamus]
Cole informs us that tomorrow at 10 a.m. EST the Board of Directors will make an announcement on WWE.com
The same video shown at the beginning of the show of Cena’s comments from last week is played.
Rock comes out next.
-Commercial Break-
Back from our final commercial break of the night.
Next week, Shawn Michaels returns to Raw.
After a brief pause, The Rock comes out. He heads down to the ring and soaks in the chants before grabbing a microphone. Rock shows off the goose bumps on his arm to the camera.
He says he wants everyone to look at his arm. He’s covered in goose bumps because this feels so damn good.
Rock pauses to take a drink of water. The fans chant “boots to asses”.
Rock says to trust him, they’ll get into chants all night long. Now this may come as a shock to a lot of people but he’s not here every single week. He was here every single week for years and years. It was his job, and he loved it. The Rock was born and created in the WWE. He also knows that if it weren’t for the WWE, and for all of the fans, The Rock would not exist. When he came back and said he was never going away, he meant it. Did it mean he was going to be back at every single Raw and Smackdown? No. It’s not what he meant. But if someone in the back wants to take that literally, go right ahead and take it literally. Unlike him, he respects the audiences-
A “fruity pebbles” chant starts.
Rock says he loves that chant. He respects the audience’s intelligence because he was born in the business, and they know that his heart and soul are in this business. They also know that he’s standing in the middle of the ring live for no other reason than he loves the WWE. And he will always be a part of the WWE, and the WWE will always be a part of him. For years he thought John Cena was a phony. He thought for years there was no way that the guy who graduated from private school all of a sudden became a “Doctor of Thuganomics”. But then he realized he wasn’t a phony. He is that guy. He’s that guy who came out last week and ran him down. He came out with all that passion and anger. He had to go through a wave of people to get to him, but the truth is that he has his cell phone number He’s called him on it. The ironic thing is that he doesn’t want to talk to him on his cell, out in public, or backstage. He sees him back there in catering. He would rather slap his lying face with a piece of kung pow chicken.
He doesn’t think that Cena’s a phony. He doesn’t even think he’s a bad guy. But what is he is a kung…pow…bitch.
A “kung pow bitch” chant starts.
Rock says that last week, John said something that resonated with him. He said come April 1st, he was going to fight for all the people in the back who love to be a professional wrestler. That’s what he’s going to do. But he grew up in this wrestling business. And he was taught that there was nobody going to fight for him. You have to fight for you. That’s how we learn, that’s how we got better. Does he think that when he was climbing the ladders, clawing and scratching in the WWE, that someone was fighting for him? No. When he would come out to the arenas as a babyface just like Cena and the fans would boo him just like they now do to Cena, does he think Stone Cold Steve Austin was fighting for him? No. Hell no. Was someone fighting for Triple H, Mick Foley, Randy “Macho Man” Savage? Does he think that anyone fought for “Rowdy” Roddy Piper? No. Nobody had to fight for them because they were men. He wants to fight for them? That’s fine. He prefers it. Because while he fights for them…he’ll fight for them.
Rock points to the fans.
He fights for the people. The same people who are sick and tired of having a kung pow bitch shoved down their throat each and every single night.
Another “kung pow bitch” chant
By the way, Portland. Trending worldwide? Kung pow bitch. The fans are tired of him, but they’re not tired of being entertained. That’s where he comes in. That’s what he does. He lives to entertain. In the ring or in a movie screen, it doesn’t matter. When The Rock and the people get together, they innovate. They break new ground. They trail blaze. When The Rock came back and said that John Cena looked like a big bowl of Fruity Pebbles, what happened? They chanted Fruity Pebbles, and they find his monkey ass on the cover of a cereal box.
“Fruity Pebbles” chant.
When The Rock said that he was going to take his size fifteen boot and shove it up Cena’s ladyparts. What happened? They started chanting “ladyparts” and trending worldwide? Boom, ladyparts.
“Ladyparts” chant mixed with “Rocky” chant.
He asks the crowd which one they want to chant. They seem split, so on the count of three let’s do ladyparts.
Rock counts to three, and they chant “ladyparts”
Now they can chant his favorite on the count of three.
Rock counts to three, and they all give a “Rocky” chant.
Cena, what they do is have fun. They innovate. What’s the most innovative thing he’s done all year? Changed his jean shorts to camouflage shorts. But here’s the thing, that camouflage is working because they can’t find his balls whatsoever. By the way, “Cena’s missing balls” trending worldwide.
The fans chant “missing balls”.
John Cena comes out and heads to the ring. He’s given a microphone.
He says that this is too much fun. He was not going to miss this. He actually referred to Cena as Kung Pow Chicken. Only the Rock could do that. It’s genius. Absolutely brilliant. Because at every Chinese restaurant has it. It’s always there. This is perfect Rock. Comes out, does his shtick, holds the millions in the palm of his hands. But he didn’t come out to swing on the people’s strudel, or whatever he calls his penis now. He came out to say that Rock’s right. He IS that guy. He’s the guy who runs him down when he’s not here. But as usual he’s only half right. He’s also the guy who runs him down when he is here. These people love The Rock. He was one of those people until he got to meet Dwayne Johnson. Dwayne Johnson is a self centered, egotistical, see-through son of a bitch that wouldn’t give a rat’s ass if this company closed its doors tomorrow. He doesn’t need words like respect, loyalty to trend worldwide just like he doesn’t need notes for his promo on his wrist. So here’s the skinnny. April 1st, when the millions see John Cena vs. The Rock, Cena’s gonna eye up Dwayne Johnson. And he doesn’t like Dwayne Johnson. He may make his boobs bounce. There may be a thing on his eyebrow that makes it look like the People’s eyebrow. But he’ll be looking into the eyes of Dwayne Johnson and see a man afraid. He may be looking at a man with no balls, but he’s also a man who’s going to beat the hell out of him at WrestleMania.
Cena exits the ring.
He tells Rock to carry on and continue trending before heading backstage.
Rock says that’s just like him to come out, run his mouth, and then run away before he slaps the lips off his face. It doesn’t surprise him that he confuses the worlds. He likes Dwayne, he doesn’t like Dwayne. But he tells him something. The Rock and Dwayne Johnson are the same man. They’re the same man outside the ring and inside the ring. But the difference between them is that he runs his mouth and acts tough, but he knows he’s not tough. No matter what he’s called, it doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is that at WrestleMania, The Rock is going to kick his candy ass.
If you smeeeeeell…what the Rock..is..cooking!
Rock tosses the microphone out of the ring and paces the ring. He then gets on the turnbuckle and looks over at the WrestleMania sign as the show comes to an end.